JOSHUA: The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual
by Hollyquin
Summary: Having trouble handling your effeminate semi-god? Here's everything you need to know about your new JOSHUA unit!


[[Holly: Yes, I've pretty much given up on all my other fics for now to write freaking Owner's Guides. xD Oh, and by the way, the first guide has been updated slightly to reflect some things I wrote in this one…

Near: Why can't you write them for US?

Holly: There are plenty of them out there for you already, silly.

Matt: Or she just hates us.

Near: 3:

Holly: ONWARDS!]]

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**CONGRATULATIONS!**

You are now the owner of your own fully-automated **YOSHIYA "JOSHUA" KIRYU** unit. To learn the uses, modes and upgrades of your ambiguously gay semi-god, please read the following manual **carefully**. We are not responsible for any injuries resulting from not reading these instructions.

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**MODEL SPECIFICATIONS**

**Name: **Yoshiya "Joshua" Kiryu. The unit will henceforth be called the **JOSHUA** unit, as that is what he generally prefers to be called. Nicknames include Josh, Petit Prince, Pretty Boy, Prissy Kid, Pink, and Rainbow. Your **JOSHUA** unit will generally put up with whatever you decide to call him. Be warned, however, that like our other units, your **JOSHUA** unit can sense fangirls. We are not responsible for any Jesus Beam related injuries resulting from being an overzealous fangirl and calling your **JOSHUA** unit "Joshie-chan".

**Date of Manufacture:** **JOSHUA** **1.0** and **1.5** appear to have been manufactured some time in 1992, but **2.0** was clearly manufactured much earlier. Exact time of manufacture is unknown.

**Place of Manufacture: **Shibuya, Japan.

**Height:** Average.

**Weight: **Quite skinny.

**Sets: SPECIAL SET**™ (**JOSHUA**, **SANAE**, **MEGUMI**)

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**CLOTHING AND ACCESSORIES INCLUDED**

These include:

Three (3) button down gray-blue short sleeve shirts (size XS)

Three (3) pairs of blue-black skinny jeans

One (1) pair of simple white sneakers

One (1) bright orange cell phone (**do not take away from your JOSHUA unit, ever)**

One (1) bottle of vanilla-scented shampoo (your **JOSHUA** unit is very protective of his hair)

Your **JOSHUA** unit should be all too eager to leave his box, and you should not have trouble getting him out. If, for whatever reason, he refuses to exit, simply tell him that you have a **NEKU** unit outside. He should exit immediately, at which point you can clonk him on the head and throw the box away. Congratulations- he's now yours.

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**FUNCTIONALITY**

Your **JOSHUA** unit comes with several important functions, several of which cannot be performed until your **JOSHUA** unit has been upgraded. These are his suggested functions, though your **JOSHUA** unit is quite flexible (not like that, you pervert) and will most likely be more than happy to do most anything.

**Player: **This is a **JOSHUA 1.0** unit's default function. Though your **JOSHUA** unit is not truly a Player, he will still act like one. Like the other units in our **PLAYER SET**™ (**NEKU**, **SHIKI**, **BEAT**, **RHYME**, special edition units **NAO** and **SOTA**), he will run around attacking the air. Also like the other **PLAYER SET**™ units, your **JOSHUA** unit requires a partner to execute this function. **JOSHUA** units generally require a **NEKU** unit as a partner, though it is possible that another unit may suffice. However, unlike other **PLAYER SET**™ units, your **JOSHUA** unit will not perish if he does not have a partner while on Player function. Buying a **NEKU** unit will make your **JOSHUA** unit happier, but it is not necessary for the health of the **JOSHUA** unit. However, purchasing a **NEKU** unit is required to upgrade your **JOSHUA** unit.

**Composer: **This is a **JOSHUA 1.5** and **2.0** unit's default function. Your **JOSHUA** unit will stop attacking random objects and will instead stay somewhat sedentary, though he will keep track of units from the **PLAYER SET**™ and the **REAPER SET**™. He is more powerful than all other units with the exception of the **SANAE** unit. Though the applicability of this function is debatable, your **JOSHUA 1.5** and **JOSHUA 2.0** units will fulfill this function about all others.

**Tracker: **Need to keep track of a **MEGUMI** unit? Your **JOSHUA** unit's cell phone, after receiving an upgrade from a **SANAE** unit, is more than capable of keeping track of what the slimy Conductor unit does. Simply ask your **JOSHUA** to use his phone's tracking device- he will be more than happy to oblige.

**Time Traveler: **Though your **JOSHUA** unit cannot actually travel in time (as far as we know), his cell phone, after another upgrade from a **SANAE** unit, can take a picture of something from any time. Need to know who stole the cookie from the cookie jar? Have **Joshua** take a picture of said cookie jar and find out.

**Boy Toy: **Consider this a highly OOC function. We have never successfully unlocked it, and we have a feeling you may be better off not trying. Whether your **JOSHUA** unit has a preference for women or men is entirely unknown. If anyone successfully unlocks this function, please contact us and let us know what gender you are, as this information is highly sought after.

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**MODES:**

Your **JOSHUA** unit comes with six (6) different modes. These include:

Snobbish (default)

Teasing

Flirtatious

Serious (lv. 1 lock)

Protective (lv. 3 lock) (special)

TIN PIN SLAMMER! (lv 10 lock)

Though Snobbish is your **JOSHUA** unit's default mode, when interacting with a **NEKU** unit his Teasing mode will be the most prominent function. In fact, **JOSHUA** units, unlike other units, does not use his default mode all that often. Flirtatious mode and Teasing mode manifest themselves very similarly in a **JOSHUA** unit, particularly when interacting with a **NEKU** unit.

In Snobbish mode, your **JOSHUA** unit will generally act mysterious and condescending. Even in Snobbish mode, he will still basically be a nice guy, and should not give you any troubles. If he believes he can get under your skin fairly easily, he will switch to Teasing mode, where he will mock you relentlessly and try his best to irritate you. If you are male and have activated your **JOSHUA** unit's Teasing mode, he may occasionally activate Flirtatious mode in order to embarrass you further. Your **JOSHUA** unit may also use the Flirtatious mode seriously, though this is identical to the teasing version and it difficult to distinguish.

The Serious mode of your **JOSHUA** unit comes locked because your **JOSHUA** unit generally doesn't let things bother him and maintains a carefree attitude. However, under great duress, the Serious mode may be unlocked. Look for a marked decrease in people wanting to repeatedly stab your **JOSHUA** unit in the face as a sign that this mode has been unlocked.

The Protective mode is** a special mode**. It appears to manifest itself when a **NEKU** unit is in great danger, as the **JOSHUA** unit will protect him. However, the **JOSHUA** unit does not truly sacrifice himself for the **NEKU** unit, as the **NEKU** unit will believe. As far as we know, this is the only time this mode will arise. Unlocking Protective mode is also the key to upgrading your **JOSHUA** unit.

The TIN PIN SLAMMER! mode is still a mystery to us, and that is probably a good thing. If your **JOSHUA** unit starts trying to get you to call him Pink or Rainbow, there is a good chance this mode has been activated. You may be best off knocking him out and returning him, unless you happen to really, REALLY like Tin Pin. We will refund your purchase price or send you a new **JOSHUA** unit.

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**UPGRADES**

Unlike our other units, your **JOSHUA** unit has two upgrades that can be purchased or developed. **JOSHUA 1.5** will cost an extra 100,000 yen along with your **JOSHUA** unit's purchase price, and a **JOSHUA 2.0** unit will cost an extra 50000 in addition to the **JOSHUA 1.5** unit price. The pre-upgraded units will run quite differently from the manually upgraded units, and generally require interaction only with the **SANAE** and **MEGUMI** units on a regular basis. Alternatively, it is quite possible to upgrade your **JOSHUA 1.0** unit on your own. The details are as follows:

**JOSHUA 1.5: **A **JOSHUA 1.0** unit will become a **JOSHUA 1.5** unit after he has activated his Protective mode and 'sacrificed himself' for a **NEKU** unit. The **JOSHUA** unit will disappear for a short time- about a week- and will come back upgraded. **JOSHUA 1.5** looks exactly like a **JOSHUA 1.0** unit, but is much more powerful, and will fulfill the Composer function instead of the Player function. We are not responsible for any injuries caused by a **JOSHUA 1.5** unit's frequent Jesus Beams. As a warning, you may be best off separating your **JOSHUA 1.5** unit from any nearby NEKU units, as this encounter will upset the NEKU unit greatly.

**JOSHUA 2.0: **A **JOSHUA 1.5** unit will become a **JOSHUA 2.0** unit after a nearby **NEKU** unit has unlocked its Happy mode and has completed his Player function. In this upgrade, the **JOSHUA** unit's appearance will change, making him look much older. He will again be much more powerful, but will continue to perform the Composer function. It is unknown if **PLAYER SET**™ units will recognize a **JOSHUA 2.0** unit as the **JOSHUA** unit, and how they will react. As far as we know, after a **JOSHUA** unit upgrades twice, it can no longer interact with any **PLAYER SET**™ units.

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**REACTIONS TO OTHER UNITS**

Despite his teasing, your **JOSHUA** unit is not cruel and is likely to get along with most other units. All **PLAYER SET**™ units' reactions to **JOSHUA 2.0** are unknown. Specific reactions are as follows:

**NEKU SAKURABA: **The **NEKU** unit is the most important for your **JOSHUA** unit's happiness and especially for his upgrades. **JOSHUA** will generally be on permanent Teasing mode around a **NEKU** unit, possibly with lapses into Flirtatious mode (whether serious or not, the world will never know). After about a week- this is assuming that both units are utilizing their Player function- your **JOSHUA** unit will activate his Protective mode and will disappear, leaving the **NEKU** unit distraught. When a **NEKU** unit and a **JOSHUA 1.5** unit, the **NEKU** unit will react in betrayal, though the **JOSHUA** unit will remain Teasing towards him throughout.

**SHIKI MISAKI, DAISUKENOJO "BEAT" BITO, RAIMU "RHYME" BITO**: None of the members of the **PLAYER SET**™ outside of the **NEKU** unit have much interaction with the **JOSHUA** unit. After the Player function of these units is complete, it is theoretically impossible for the **JOSHUA** unit to interact with them. The **JOSHUA 1.0** unit would theoretically activate either Snobbish or Teasing mode around them, as he does with most other units.

**YODAI HIGASHIZAWA, MITSUKI KONISHI, UZUKI YASHIRO, KOKI KARIYA: **These units are all underlings of your **JOSHUA** unit. They will not recognize him as their boss when he is performing his Player function, and will attack them as they would anyone else in the **PLAYER SET**™. However, after he upgrades to **JOSHUA 2.0**, these units will follow his orders above all others, though they will usually have no direct contact with him.

**MEGUMI KITANIJl: **This unit is your **JOSHUA** unit's direct underling, and your pre-upgraded **JOSHUA 1.5** or **2.0** unit will generally relay orders as Producer to him. However, while performing the Player function, the **MEGUMI** unit will recognize the **JOSHUA** unit as the Composer. When a manually upgraded **JOSHUA 1.5** unit and a **MEGUMI** unit interact, the **MEGUMI** unit will be killed. If you wish to prevent this, keep the two units apart. However, doing this means that your other **PLAYER SET**™ units cannot complete their function, and your **JOSHUA** unit cannot upgrade to **2.0**, unless you wish to purchase the upgrade.

**SHO MINAMIMOTO: **Unlike the other units in the **REAPER SET**™, the **MINAMIMOTO** unit does not respect the **JOSHUA** unit, and wishes to replace him as Composer. A **JOSHUA 1.0** unit requires a **NEKU** unit as a partner to defeat a **MINAMIMOTO** unit, though this will not kill him. A **JOSHUA 1.5** unit can kill a **MINAMIMOTO** unit outright, and this is necessary to upgrade your **JOSHUA** unit to a **2.0**.

**SANAE HANEKOMA: **As the **SANAE** unit is the only Angel unit currently in production, he is also the only unit above the **JOSHUA** unit in station. Your **SANAE** and **JOSHUA** units get along very well, and interaction with a **SANAE** unit is the only way for your **JOSHUA** unit to upgrade his cell phone, and to allow your **JOSHUA** unit to use his Time Traveler and Tracker functions.

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**CLEANING**

Do not attempt to clean your **JOSHUA** unit- trust us, he will keep himself pretty much immaculate. You will need to supply him with new bottles of vanilla-scented shampoo when the one he has shipped with runs out. We are not responsible for any injuries caused by trying to hand clean a **JOSHUA** unit.

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**ENERGY**

Your **JOSHUA** unit, being in the guise of a teenage boy, will eat three meals a day, though it is unknown whether it is actually necessary for him to eat. His favorite foods include chili dogs, shio ramen, and mushrooms, but he will eat pretty much anything you put in front of him.

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**FAQ**

**Q: **My **JOSHUA 1.0** unit has started floating an awful lot recently. How does he do that? Is it normal?

**A:** Yes, at some point your **JOSHUA 1.0** unit will begin floating. This means he is one step closer to upgrading, so- good for you! On the other hand, this also means your **JOSHUA** unit has learned how to use Jesus Beams, so it is recommended that you avoid making him angry. (All **JOSHUA 1.5** and **JOSHUA 2.0** pre-upgraded units will already float when you receive them.) Don't ask us how he floats, we don't know. He's just kind of a big deal.

**Q: **My **JOSHUA** unit makes…strange sounds when I give him a chili dog. It's…kind of disturbing. What's going on?

**A: **All **JOSHUA** units respond that way to their favorite foods. It's perfectly normal, if slightly creepy. If it bothers you, don't give him his favorite foods.

**Q: **My **JOSHUA** unit fought a **MINAMIMOTO** unit and was defeated! What gives?!

**A: **All **JOSHUA 1.5** and **2.0** units are capable of defeating a **MINAMIMOTO** unit on their own, but the **JOSHUA 1.0** unit requires a **NEKU** unit as a partner to defeat him. You will have to buy a new **JOSHUA** unit if you wish to try again.

**Q: **Is my **JOSHUA** unit gay?

**A: **We have no idea, honestly, and he's not telling.

**Q: **I am having problems with his cellphone. He has recently gotten into a photo fetish. We allowed this for a while, until he began taking pictures of us. When he does this, he will say "Smile!" or something of the like, and those taken pictures of have these inexplicable moments of blankness, normally waking up to realize that the **JOSHUA** Unit has escaped. While I have been able to retrieve my** JOSHUA **unit with our **SANAE **and/or **NEKU **Units, it is still rather cumbersome to have to deal with this sort of behavior. We did not wish to invoke his wrath by taking away his cellphone. Is there anything you might suggest? ~_from KatanaSisters_

**A: **First of all, try talking to your **JOSHUA **unit. Since he is the Composer, your **JOSHUA **unit will generally think he's above others and can do what he wants to. Though talking to him is unlikely to stop it, if your **JOSHUA **unit likes you, he may be convinced to stop. A more direct approach would be to speak to your resident **SANAE **unit. He is, after all, responsible for upgrading your **JOSHUA **unit's cell phone, and if your **JOSHUA **unit requested a sleep-gas camera option, your **SANAE **unit likely would have obliged. If your **SANAE **unit admits to having done this, ask him to take the **JOSHUA **unit's phone and deprogram the function. The **SANAE **unit is the **JOSHUA **unit's only superior, and the **JOSHUA **unit will generally listen to him.

**Q:** My **JOSHUA **unit just shot my **NEKU **unit! Is that supposed to happen? ~_from Silvaria_

**A:** Though this doesn't happen very often- as most **NEKU **units are shipped with their Player function already active- it is normal for a **JOSHUA **unit to shoot a **NEKU **unit BEFORE the mode is activated, and it will activate the Player function. If your **NEKU** unit is already using its Player function, your **JOSHUA **unit may be malfunctioning. The exception is if the Player function is nearly complete, it is possible that your **JOSHUA **unit may shoot your **NEKU **unit, though this is unconfirmed. If he does, don't worry: Your **NEKU **unit will be fine, with Happy mode active.

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**WARRANTY**

Your **JOSHUA** unit has a money-back guarantee lasting for five years, unless you clearly go against the guidelines detailed here, in which case we are not obliged to accept a return. We are unsure of how long a **JOSHUA** unit is likely to live, as he will likely live longer than our **PLAYER SET**™ and **REAPER SET**™ units. It is recommended you keep your **JOSHUA** unit away from large groups of rabid yaoi fangirls, as this would decrease your **JOSHUA** unit's life expectancy exponentially.

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Holly: Done again! If you have any questions for the FAQ, just send a review with them!


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